I think I need to clean up my heart.
Caution, you might slip and disappear.
Saturday, 26 April 2008
Thursday, 24 April 2008
El dia
Tu no ho entens, però Sant Jordi és el dia més important per a mi. Oblida-te'n de Nadal i del Dimecres de Cendra. Sant Jordi és per a mi l'únic dia que espero amb desig. No ho entens i em fas mal per no entendre-ho.I aquest any, per primera vegada, he estat lluny de la meva HomeTown. Molt lluny. Però, d'alguna manera, tot ha anat prou bé a pesar d'haver-me perdut un retrobat retorn al passat.
I així va ser el meu dia d'ahir.
Pel matí, a la feina, però això no és nou doncs ni a Casa és festa aquest dia. És extrany com el dia de la Hispanitat (tant a España com als Estats Units) és festa, i Saint George's Day no és festa a cap de les nacions de les que n'és patró. Ni a Casa ni a casa - ves, que em poso tonto amb les majúscules.
A la tarda a corre cuita cap al centre. Passo per l'estació i li demano a l'home que ven les flor alegrement a la cantonada que si em pot vendre una rosa, una de sola. Oh, i tant, si avui és Saint George. És clar que ho sé, si sóc català. Ah, doncs, això ho explica tot. Un llibre i una rosa. Aquesta va a compte de la casa, però quan us caseu, veniu a fer les flors amb mi. Thank you.
Arribo al meu destí. Un bar ple d'homes a la cantonada de Picadilly. Avui juga el Barça i el Manchester. És això el més proper a celebrar Sant Jordi? Well, sembla que sí.
Allí em trobo amb una amiga. Una de la Quinta Província, la que no existeix, la que volem. I al seu costat una letona (com la llet) i a l'altre una altra noia que ja coneixia, de ses illes. El valencià no ens acompanya, malauradament. Sí, sí, ja sé que Sant Jordi és tan sols de Catalunya, però, d'algun mode, la resta dels (whatever)parlants caminen amb nosaltres en els dies importants.
Li dono la rosa, li dono el llibre (Shakespeare, que va morir ahir), li dono un llençol (això no te res a veure) i li dono el meu recompilatori de Sant Jordi.
Futbol, que no m'agrada, que no m'interessa, però m'ho passo bé. Crido mentre pregunto què m'has dit que era un fora de joc?
Parlem en català, se'm pega el tortosí, se'm pega sa llengua mallorquina. El letó no el domino, però potser és moment de pujar uns quilòmetres més, no?
S'acaba el partit i cantem el Tot el camp. Molt fort perquè me'l sé (i no em se pas Els segadors).
Estic trist perquè no he passat Sant Jordi a casa. Estic trist perquè no hem guanyat. Però quan, tot baixant les escales plenes de gent, veig el coll del noi de davant, el coll de la camisa, de la samarreta del Barça que, a la part de darrera, du una petita Senyera. Per això, val la pena.
PS Al sortir, el millor missatge de la meva vida. Gràcies papá.
I així va ser el meu dia d'ahir.
Pel matí, a la feina, però això no és nou doncs ni a Casa és festa aquest dia. És extrany com el dia de la Hispanitat (tant a España com als Estats Units) és festa, i Saint George's Day no és festa a cap de les nacions de les que n'és patró. Ni a Casa ni a casa - ves, que em poso tonto amb les majúscules.
A la tarda a corre cuita cap al centre. Passo per l'estació i li demano a l'home que ven les flor alegrement a la cantonada que si em pot vendre una rosa, una de sola. Oh, i tant, si avui és Saint George. És clar que ho sé, si sóc català. Ah, doncs, això ho explica tot. Un llibre i una rosa. Aquesta va a compte de la casa, però quan us caseu, veniu a fer les flors amb mi. Thank you.
Arribo al meu destí. Un bar ple d'homes a la cantonada de Picadilly. Avui juga el Barça i el Manchester. És això el més proper a celebrar Sant Jordi? Well, sembla que sí.
Allí em trobo amb una amiga. Una de la Quinta Província, la que no existeix, la que volem. I al seu costat una letona (com la llet) i a l'altre una altra noia que ja coneixia, de ses illes. El valencià no ens acompanya, malauradament. Sí, sí, ja sé que Sant Jordi és tan sols de Catalunya, però, d'algun mode, la resta dels (whatever)parlants caminen amb nosaltres en els dies importants.
Li dono la rosa, li dono el llibre (Shakespeare, que va morir ahir), li dono un llençol (això no te res a veure) i li dono el meu recompilatori de Sant Jordi.
Futbol, que no m'agrada, que no m'interessa, però m'ho passo bé. Crido mentre pregunto què m'has dit que era un fora de joc?
Parlem en català, se'm pega el tortosí, se'm pega sa llengua mallorquina. El letó no el domino, però potser és moment de pujar uns quilòmetres més, no?
S'acaba el partit i cantem el Tot el camp. Molt fort perquè me'l sé (i no em se pas Els segadors).
Estic trist perquè no he passat Sant Jordi a casa. Estic trist perquè no hem guanyat. Però quan, tot baixant les escales plenes de gent, veig el coll del noi de davant, el coll de la camisa, de la samarreta del Barça que, a la part de darrera, du una petita Senyera. Per això, val la pena.
PS Al sortir, el millor missatge de la meva vida. Gràcies papá.
Escoltant, és clar, el Declare Independence de la Björk.
Aquest post es va quedar als Drafts per alguna raó.
Aquest post es va quedar als Drafts per alguna raó.
Wednesday, 23 April 2008
The Way I Need
Sant Jordi arrived again and, what else could happen on the Lover's Day of Catalonia, but me releasing a new album (remember Valentine's Day and Sant Jordi 2007 and 2008: I'ts not me (it's you); It's not me: the B-Sides [español]; My Favorite Flavor [español] ).
This is the first album at Word Arranger and the third of the year. It is only April, I know. But this is also the last of the saga. A saga that started last year with the "I despise Valentine's Day" mood. But then I kind of liked it, I kind of liked the work in progress of releasing these albums.
They all have songs that cannot be considered 100% love or no-love, they even have songs that do not mean that at all. But, who knows what Love really is?
This time I wanted to do something very easy. This songs have been for a year in a playlist in my iTunes and I knew which I was going to use, actually. I tried not to use the songs or the artists that had been used in previous albums (including Serendipity, which wasn't released onto any of my blogs).
There are songs that I have "sung" in my blogs so many times. There are songs that are old and have been running around for so long. There are songs that are very new for me, even if they might be quite old as well. There are even two songs sung by the same person. But, especially, there are songs that make my heart to shrink.
Some of them have a name, most of them I would say. Some of them I wish they didn't have. But this is how things are, and this is how I feel right now. Because love is not something that changes from one day to another.
This is the first album at Word Arranger and the third of the year. It is only April, I know. But this is also the last of the saga. A saga that started last year with the "I despise Valentine's Day" mood. But then I kind of liked it, I kind of liked the work in progress of releasing these albums.
They all have songs that cannot be considered 100% love or no-love, they even have songs that do not mean that at all. But, who knows what Love really is?
This time I wanted to do something very easy. This songs have been for a year in a playlist in my iTunes and I knew which I was going to use, actually. I tried not to use the songs or the artists that had been used in previous albums (including Serendipity, which wasn't released onto any of my blogs).
There are songs that I have "sung" in my blogs so many times. There are songs that are old and have been running around for so long. There are songs that are very new for me, even if they might be quite old as well. There are even two songs sung by the same person. But, especially, there are songs that make my heart to shrink.
Some of them have a name, most of them I would say. Some of them I wish they didn't have. But this is how things are, and this is how I feel right now. Because love is not something that changes from one day to another.
Anyway, here it is.
The Way I Need
- Fistful of Love - Antony and the Johnsons
- My Melody of Love - Bobby Vinton
- Love Me - Cetu Javu
- Everythings I Cannot See - Charlotte Gainsbourg
- Fresh Feelings - Eels
- I Hope that I don’t Fall in Love with You - Emilíana Torrini
- It’s Good to Be in Love - Frou Frou
- Bota pa la lambón - Gertrudis
- I Am in Love with You - Imogen Heap
- Falling for You - Jem
- Sent la nit - Kabul Babà
- Pass This On - The Knife
- Amante bandido - Miguel Bosé & Alaska
- Boig per tu - Novo
- Meu cel colorit - Òscar Briz
- Samson - Regina Spektor
- The Origin of Love - Stephen Trask
- One Word - Kelly Osbourne
You'll see that this time I didn't say no to more than one song in Catalan, but hey, Sant Jordi is the day all Catalan boys are giving ROSES to their girlfriends and they give them BOOKS back. So, what a better day than singing in their language? I am very much pleased with this. Although I am still looking for a Catalan singer with my own accent, (I am really not going to use Lax'n'Busto) as, again, Òscar Briz is Valencian, and Gertrudis, Kabul Babà, and Novo are from Barcelona, so no chance to pronounce like I do. Such an small country and so many diferences.
Also, you'll see that opposite to the previous albums, this has songs mostly in English (and Catalan, as said). No hebrew (but I wasn't going to use Ivri), no Polish (just few lines in one song). But still some French and Galician.
All these songs meen much to me. All of them are those that I never skip in my iPod. I am so happy with this compilation, I could cry - although I have already done so.
I wanted something simple. I knew that selecting the track list wasn't going to take me long, and it didn't. But the artwork took a while to come to my head. Kelly surprised me out of a sudden - she got the honourable place of SBT. "One Word" is what she says, and repeats. One word can change everything.
So suddenly the artwork appeared in my mind. I know very little about design and I am very bad at using my tools. But I am very happy with the result. Moreover, I had fun.
Nonetheless, even if I thought that was going to be easy, I had so much trouble with it. Somehow the files are bigger than what they normally are, that's why the artwork comes split.
Anyway, nothing much to say. I would like to talk about each song (I was hoping we'd done that for My Favorite Flavor), but I don't want to spoil anything.
But, please, take me to Gordon's Wine Bar, or let's share a mattress on the floor and we will talk about them. We will share an iPod, you'll get one earpiece and I'll get the other.
And this is it. This is the last of the 4 albums I had planned. I swear, nothing coming now, nothing in my mind. But if something does come up, it is not going to be about Love - or is it? (Because Love is Everything).
As usual:
Artwork and other files
BTW, happy Sant Jordi! Feliz San Jordi! Feliç Sant Jordi!
Also, you'll see that opposite to the previous albums, this has songs mostly in English (and Catalan, as said). No hebrew (but I wasn't going to use Ivri), no Polish (just few lines in one song). But still some French and Galician.
All these songs meen much to me. All of them are those that I never skip in my iPod. I am so happy with this compilation, I could cry - although I have already done so.
I wanted something simple. I knew that selecting the track list wasn't going to take me long, and it didn't. But the artwork took a while to come to my head. Kelly surprised me out of a sudden - she got the honourable place of SBT. "One Word" is what she says, and repeats. One word can change everything.
So suddenly the artwork appeared in my mind. I know very little about design and I am very bad at using my tools. But I am very happy with the result. Moreover, I had fun.
Nonetheless, even if I thought that was going to be easy, I had so much trouble with it. Somehow the files are bigger than what they normally are, that's why the artwork comes split.
Anyway, nothing much to say. I would like to talk about each song (I was hoping we'd done that for My Favorite Flavor), but I don't want to spoil anything.
But, please, take me to Gordon's Wine Bar, or let's share a mattress on the floor and we will talk about them. We will share an iPod, you'll get one earpiece and I'll get the other.
And this is it. This is the last of the 4 albums I had planned. I swear, nothing coming now, nothing in my mind. But if something does come up, it is not going to be about Love - or is it? (Because Love is Everything).
As usual:
Artwork and other files
BTW, happy Sant Jordi! Feliz San Jordi! Feliç Sant Jordi!
Saturday, 12 April 2008
Infantesa portada a la realitat
Plou i fa sol,
les bruixes es pentinen.
Plou i fa sol,
les bruixes porten dol.
Diferente
Sí, claro, diferente, porque lo dices tú. Yo no he cambiado, siempre he sido igual. Eres tú, que ayer me miraste diferente. ¿Será eso? Yo espero que sí, y la verdad es que me di cuenta.Especial, sí, sí, especial pero nada más.
Me lo paso bien contigo. Me gusta que hablemos de arte, de contemporáneo y moderno. Me gusta que nos peleemos, pero estoy un poco cansado de esta relación que tenemos. Más que nada porque tengo mucho miedo. Miedo de que suceda lo mismo que me ocurrió en un pasado lejanamente lejano.
Porque, me gustaría hablar con ella, pero es que estoy seguro que ella pensó "Mmm, ¿y no tienen sexo? Si es que son como un matrimonio." Y no me refiero como otros puedan pensar, me refiero a que nos peleamos como un matrimonio, porque las cosas nos son importantes como lo son para los matriomonios. Y lo hacemos en la calle, como los matrimonios, y luego nos reímos de ello como los matrimonios inteligentes hacen.
Pero es que también nos interrumpimos como lo hacen los matrimonios. Pero no es que me interrumpas y ya está, y yo me quede con las ganas, sino que tú acabas mis frases y yo las tuyas - para qué nos vamos a engañar, casi siempre soy yo quien te interrumpe. Y tú le explicas mis cosas y yo le explico las tuyas. Si es que al final de la noche ella me preguntaba por ti a mí y a la inversa. Si es que la chica esta no es tonta, será de tu país, pero de tonta no tiene un pelo.
Ya sabes, yo me llevo bien con la gente, y la gente confía en mí con rapidez. Ella me miraba con cara de "Bueno, y ¿aquí qué está pasando?" Como queriendo decirme, "Ya que él no me lo cuenta, ¿me lo vas a decir tú?" Pero es que, hija mía, no tengo ni idea. Tú lo viste, el abrazo fue diferente, diferente lo digo yo porque tú no los habías visto antes.
No, yo siempre he sido así. Pero, ¿quieres dejar de cerrarte?
No soy yo quién te lo dice, nos lo dice a todos Ms B, quien veremos la semana que viene - yo por segunda vez. Te lo digo y te lo repito, "let's open up, share!"
Innocence
Björk
I once had no fears
none at all
and then when
I had some
to my surprise
I grew to like both
scared or brave
without them
the thrill of fear
thought I'd never admit it
the thrill of fear
now greatly enjoyed with courage
when I once was
untouchable
innocence roared
still amazes
when I once was
innocent
it's still here
but in different places
neurosis
only
attaches
itself to
fertile
ground
where it can flourish
the thrill of fear
thought I'd never admit it
the thrill of fear
now greatly enjoyed with courage
when I once was
fearless
innocence roared
still amazes
untouchable
innocence
it's still here
but in different places
fear is a powerful drug
overcome it and
you think that you can do
anything!
should I
save myself
for later
or generously give?
fear of
losing
energy
is draining
it locks up your chest
shuts down the heart
miserly and stingy
let's open up : share!
Tuesday, 8 April 2008
I know I should
Foundations
Kate Nash
Thursday night, every thing's fine, except you've got that look in your eye
when I'm tellin' a story and you find it boring,
you're thinking of something to say.
You'll go along with it then drop it and humiliate me in front of our friends.
Then I'll use that voice that you find annoyin' and say something like
"yeah, intelligent input, darlin', why don't you just have another beer then?"
Then you'll call me a bitch
and everyone we're with will be embarrassed,
and I wont give a shit.
My finger tips are holding onto the cracks in our foundation,
and I know that I should let go,
but I can't.
And every time we fight I know it's not right,
every time that you're upset and I smile.
I know I should forget, but I can't.
You said I must eat so many lemons
'cause i am so bitter.
I said
"I'd rather be with your friends mate 'cause they are much fitter."
Yes, it was childish and you got aggressive,
and I must admit that I was a bit scared,
but it gives me thrills to wind you up.
Your face is pasty 'cause you've gone and got so wasted, what a surprise.
Don't want to look at your face 'cause it's makin' me sick.
You've gone and got sick on my trainers,
I only got these yesterday.
Oh, my gosh, I cannot be bothered with this.
Well, I'll leave you there 'till the mornin',
and I purposely won't turn the heating on
and dear God, I hope I'm not stuck with this one.
Kate Nash
Thursday night, every thing's fine, except you've got that look in your eye
when I'm tellin' a story and you find it boring,
you're thinking of something to say.
You'll go along with it then drop it and humiliate me in front of our friends.
Then I'll use that voice that you find annoyin' and say something like
"yeah, intelligent input, darlin', why don't you just have another beer then?"
Then you'll call me a bitch
and everyone we're with will be embarrassed,
and I wont give a shit.
My finger tips are holding onto the cracks in our foundation,
and I know that I should let go,
but I can't.
And every time we fight I know it's not right,
every time that you're upset and I smile.
I know I should forget, but I can't.
You said I must eat so many lemons
'cause i am so bitter.
I said
"I'd rather be with your friends mate 'cause they are much fitter."
Yes, it was childish and you got aggressive,
and I must admit that I was a bit scared,
but it gives me thrills to wind you up.
Your face is pasty 'cause you've gone and got so wasted, what a surprise.
Don't want to look at your face 'cause it's makin' me sick.
You've gone and got sick on my trainers,
I only got these yesterday.
Oh, my gosh, I cannot be bothered with this.
Well, I'll leave you there 'till the mornin',
and I purposely won't turn the heating on
and dear God, I hope I'm not stuck with this one.
Monday, 7 April 2008
Unravelling
Today I almost "put the foot". Today I almost said "It's not you, it's me" [do not reed between the lines, this is not about you (now)] and that very moment a pain started in my chest. How could I dare to say those words after last year (1, 2)? How could I imagine to start pronouncing them? But it was true, this time, really, it was true. I know that when people say those words they don't really mean them. I know, cos I have said them and I have been the receiver as well. That's why the album was called this way, because it is never me, it is always you. But, going back to the main plot: I was almost about to say those words, but this time they were for real. I really meant them. This time it was all about me. But then, with the pain, I realised that this time is STILL (once more, still) not about me (when the hell is it going to be about me? - you know why I say this). This time was about the dotted one. Again, the dotted one comes from the recent past to bother me. I don't love him, I don't want him, but still he is there and his presence does not let me go ahead (move on, that is, but I don't like this expression). And here I am, between East and Further East trying to understand whether North or South. So many directions, so many destinies. But I don't know how to follow. I don't know what to do. Cos I can't. I am not able to let myself love and I am hating myself for it.I just want...
I just want to be happy.
Do I want a boyfriend?
Well, I don't know. The other cover tells that I do. I like to go to the cinema and to the theatre with you. But last Friday, well, last Friday you weren't by my side, you were in front of me. But on some moment, the couple next to you, and the couple next to me, both just hugged, both just were so romantically in love that I laughed. Did you hear? Well, I did. Because I want to hold you when we are watching a movie, but I want you to hold me back. But that is not the most important, the best is that we go to interesting things. We go to cinema that not many people goes - well, I know, the theatre is always full, but compare a few hundred people with the whole humanity - we go to spectacles that I die to go to. We have a cultural life that I always longed for. And I have so much to thank you. But I need you to hug me. I know you don't do those things, and that you don't even want to. But I need it.
But I am trying to be your friend. And now, Mr T is trying to get a second round and I am so scared, so deadly scared that I can't even think of saying yes. And he is real sweet, and I feel so sorry. If I say "well, no" he'll be sad. But I can't give him hopes. Can I? Is that being bad? I need him to be "badder". I need him to play hard to get, because this is what it really looks like I like. But do I?
And CupCake (is this a good nickname?). Let's call him Blue. So Blue is playing hard to get. And I do like him. But he is soft and I liked it.
But you know what? Escarola was right. She told me that I am confusing myself. I am "confús, confonent-me". I am making a mess of myself.
I can count to what? How many fingers did you say? So long...
This is two, and with this two it makes four.
This is exactly what I should do. I should just forget everything. I should just take my backpack and go to Danmark. Oh, Ísland is now? So Ísland it would be. I should just forget it ever happened. I should just, move away. That's even more effective than to move on.
------------but then, suddenly, someone else will come to entangle the ball of yarn that I had unravelled for so long------------
I just want to be happy.
Do I want a boyfriend?
Well, I don't know. The other cover tells that I do. I like to go to the cinema and to the theatre with you. But last Friday, well, last Friday you weren't by my side, you were in front of me. But on some moment, the couple next to you, and the couple next to me, both just hugged, both just were so romantically in love that I laughed. Did you hear? Well, I did. Because I want to hold you when we are watching a movie, but I want you to hold me back. But that is not the most important, the best is that we go to interesting things. We go to cinema that not many people goes - well, I know, the theatre is always full, but compare a few hundred people with the whole humanity - we go to spectacles that I die to go to. We have a cultural life that I always longed for. And I have so much to thank you. But I need you to hug me. I know you don't do those things, and that you don't even want to. But I need it.
But I am trying to be your friend. And now, Mr T is trying to get a second round and I am so scared, so deadly scared that I can't even think of saying yes. And he is real sweet, and I feel so sorry. If I say "well, no" he'll be sad. But I can't give him hopes. Can I? Is that being bad? I need him to be "badder". I need him to play hard to get, because this is what it really looks like I like. But do I?
And CupCake (is this a good nickname?). Let's call him Blue. So Blue is playing hard to get. And I do like him. But he is soft and I liked it.
But you know what? Escarola was right. She told me that I am confusing myself. I am "confús, confonent-me". I am making a mess of myself.
I can count to what? How many fingers did you say? So long...
This is two, and with this two it makes four.
This is exactly what I should do. I should just forget everything. I should just take my backpack and go to Danmark. Oh, Ísland is now? So Ísland it would be. I should just forget it ever happened. I should just, move away. That's even more effective than to move on.
------------but then, suddenly, someone else will come to entangle the ball of yarn that I had unravelled for so long------------
Before, I would have chosen this.
Still listening to Òscar Briz,
but of course, at work I have your CD.
I haven't knit in such a long time.
Still listening to Òscar Briz,
but of course, at work I have your CD.
I haven't knit in such a long time.
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